


The Serpent & The Dove

by World_of_AUs



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bikers, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:35:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26655997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/World_of_AUs/pseuds/World_of_AUs
Summary: Running from a dark past, your offered a New beginning."There are some things that can't be changed with words. Some things have to be seen. They have to be felt." - Shelby Mahurin.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 29





	1. Running From My Past

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: pinch of angst (squint ya eyes, or don’t)
> 
> A/n: Thank you @jaywolf840 for sending in your request, finding a pairing for that image was hard but i’m pleased i went with it this way! So this was supposed to be a one shot but personally i didn’t want to rush it, and i knew it would feel rushed if i did so this will be a three parter!

You were starting over; a new chapter in your book, a clean page waiting to be written, sure you were running from a dark past but when life was built on shifting sands it was wise for you to seek a new life upon a rock.

At least that’s what _she_ had advised you before she herself packed her things and left.

_“life doesn’t have to be like this you know,” a pause, “you could leave, start over somewhere new, somewhere that’s not here, and no one would judge you for your past.”_

_“they don’t know what we’ve done, what I’ve done I-”_

_“he forced your hand y/n,” she cuts you off, “he always forces your hand, you don’t have to put up with this, you don’t have to deal with the pain day in and day out, this isn’t what you signed up for.”_

_“But isn’t it,” you questioned, “I wear the colours, I wear the badges, I wear the name, that’s why you’re here isn’t it because of me, because of the stories you’ve heard about the things I’ve done?”_

_She sighs deeply, “I might be here because I heard the stories, but the stories about you are all wrong, you don’t fit in with the likes of these people y/n, this is not your family.” Her hand falls over yours, “you might wear the colours, the badges, and hold the name, but you don’t have to, you could leave, start somewhere new, nothing is holding you here except for you.”_

_You scoff lightly, looking down to at your hands, “it’s easy for you to say, you have a family to go back too, I - I have no one, will have no one if I leave.”_

_“you won’t know till you try y/n, and I know your scared, because you think this is what family is, but family doesn’t make you do those things, those evil things that I know you don’t want to do, but are to afraid to say no too.” Your eyes meet hers, “you were naïve when Rumlow took you under his wing, he was quick to impressionate you, and make you see the wonders of this life, and it’s not until he had you in his grips that he finally showed you the dark hidden beneath the light, this doesn’t have to be it for you though, you could still find that family, the right family.”_

_And her words resonated deep within you that night, a hope sparking in your chest at the possibility of a new beginning._

_That same night black widow leaves you in the early hours of the morning, a single note pressed to the side of your nightstand, one you would see at the first break of dawn._

_**“when you’re ready come find me.”** _

_**\- Black Widow** _

It takes you a month; you’re packed up in minutes, ridding yourself of the colors, the badges, and the name once and for all, you’ve left it all behind. It’s when you’re driving down the winding roads, wind flowing past you that the spark of a new hope blooms, the address of a new start in your mind.

Not once do you look back; you don’t look back under the starry midnight velvet sky, nor when the sun’s rays paint the morning sky giving brilliant color to what was once the starlit night. A smile kisses your lips the entire ride, there was something so invigorating of starting over, of running from a life that had been so dark, you were finally free.

When you arrive to the address written on the back of the note left behind for you by the Black Widow herself you weren’t sure what to expect, you surely weren’t expecting a cozy little cottage in a hidden cul-de-sac. Your almost tempted to tuck tail and run, but the sleek maroon Harley Davidson parked off to the side, and a promise of a new start pushes you forward. You bring your fist down onto the door three times before your stepping back, a shaky breath leaving your lips as you wait. The door is pulled open roughly a second later, a sleek grey gun pointed right between your eyes, “what the hell are you doing here,” a spiky dirty blonde asks, eyes glaring.

Your stance doesn’t falter as you stare right down the barrel of the gun, “is the black widow home,” you questioned voice monotone, hand raised in surrender as you reach for the note in your leather jacket. Dirty blonde watches you brow raised, cocking the gun when you raise the note to his eye level. He looks from you to the note then back, before he’s calling over his shoulder, eyes trained on yours, “Natasha, you have a _guest_ ,” he calls out drawling the last word out in disgust.

There’s a pregnant pause, before the red-head gone blonde is appearing behind her friend, “Jesus Barton,” she hisses, smacking his hand, “put the gun down will you, she’s no threat.”

“anyone that worked for the likes of hydra will always be a threat, discarded badge or not,” he grunts, “especially the assassin herself.”

Of course, you knew there would never be any running away from your past, too many people knew your name, assumed they knew your story, but never came close enough to actually hear it.

“Barton,” Natasha hisses, smacking his arm, “i already told y-”

“it’s quite alright,” you speak up, “I knew I couldn’t outrun what I did.”

“what you were forced to do,” Natasha adds, “and Barton,” she murmurs, “already knows this.”

“just because he knows doesn’t mean he has to believe it, I told you, the things I’ve done, there’s no out running that past, whether I wanted to do those things or not, whether my hand was forced or not, at the end of the day they were still things I did.”

“y/n,” she argues, but you hold your hand up, “it’s fine, really there are no hard feelings, I knew what I was getting into by trying to start a new life elsewhere and get away from a dark past, I just wish I hadn’t held onto that hope.”

“Y/n,” she tries, but you won’t hear of it as you shake your head, you were set on having a fresh start, it seems you would just have to look elsewhere. You don’t say more as you turn on your heel intent on mounting your bike and driving; where you would be driving to you had no idea. Your barely out the gates of Natasha’s homey cottage when two bikes are peeling in, one on each side of your bike blocking you from leaving.

You can’t see faces through the helmet, but you can see the badges, the name, one you remember Natasha sharing with you the third week of having ‘joined’ your family, the family you ran from.

You watch them slip off their bikes, broad shoulders lined up as they step in front of you helmets come off one at a time, hard eyes glaring, lips set in a thin line.

“You must have to practice an entrance like that pretty often.” You murmur.

“you’re a long way from home,” the one on your right speaks up, voice deep, blue eyes piercing your very soul. “we had heard you were driving through the town, almost didn’t believe it till they told us where we could find you, come to finish a job?”

“Finish a job,” you question brow raised.

His chin is jutting out to where you’re sure Natasha stands behind you, a silent scoff leaves your lips “I can assure you if I was here to finish a ‘job’ it would have been the night she told me about her family.”

His jaw clenches, as he watches you with hard eyes, “then what are you doing here,” he grunts “especially in these parts.”

A puff of air leaves your lips, “I was just leaving,” you murmur, “now if you wouldn’t mind moving your bikes so I could do so that would be amazing.”

“see that’s one thing we’re not going to do,” the one on your left speaks up, “you wouldn’t have just shown up here for no reason, considering the person you ride for, and the things you’ve done, you sure as shit aren’t going anywhere now.”

You cocked your head to stare at him, “firstly it’s the person I used to ride for, ever heard of starting over,” you questioned brow raised. 

“like that means anything to us,” he shot back, “your first mistake was coming here to begin with.”

“no, my first mistake was thinking I could leave behind a life that haunts me, my second mistake was following the address the widow left behind, and my third mistake,” you added, “was not leaving sooner.”

“Well good thing that’ll be the last mistake you ever make,” the blonde shaggy haired man on your right spoke up.

“oh,” you questioned brow raised, “and why is it going to be the last mistake I ever make, I doubt it will be, unless you’re making a threat.”

“it’s the last mistake you’re going to make because you’re coming with us,” he says.

“that’s funny, I didn’t know you had the jurisdiction to make a decision like that.”

“well it seems you don’t know a lot of things.” he grunts.

Your roll your eyes, “ouch,” you mutter, “look gentleman, obviously you know who I am, or at least you think you know who I am, but I can assure you, I’m not who your perceiving me to be I’m much more than the colors and badge I wore.”

“tell that to someone who cares.”

Your jaw clenched, “well I would if you two beefcakes would move out of the way, but it seems we all can’t get we want now can we.”

“well it seems you’re right about one thing,” the blonde replies as he moves forward getting into your space, body towering, lips set in a thin line as he glares down at you. “Now, I’m going to only ask this once and It would be wise of you to listen because if you don’t, I can assure you that’ll be the last mistake you make.”

“and I can assure you, that if you don’t move out of my way, that’ll be the last threat you make towards me, ever.” you hiss getting into his space.

A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth, as he leans forward, “sweetheart there’s four of us and one of you, and I’m sure you’re unarmed.”

You raise a brow, lips set in a thin line, “what does me being unarmed have anything to do with you and beefcake number two moving out of my way?”

“that would be me,” comes a voice from behind you, and you hold back an eye roll at the gun being pressed into the curve of your spine.

“now Barton,” you start, “its Barton right,” you question looking over your shoulder, spiky blonde is glaring, “is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just really, and I mean really happy to see me.”

“it’s loaded,” he growls.

“I’m sure it is.”

“Look you’re not going anywhere,” shaggy blonde speaks up, “and its time you realize that, now I want you to get on the back of your bike, and you’re going to follow me, and if you choose not to, beefcake behind me will see to it that you’re taken care of.”

You step up to him, the gun pressing harder into your back, “ease up Barton,” you grunt before your eyes are returning to the man in front of you, “I hope you know that as of right now, you’re not better than me.”

“well at least we never took the life of the innocent.”

A heaviness sits on your heart; the weight of his words weighing heavily on your mind, you lick over your lips, a sigh blowing past, “where are we going?”

“you’ll find out when we get there, now get on the bike.”

The gun is being pressed once more into your back and you have half a mind to restrain yourself from turning and knocking Barton and the gun to the floor. These men under estimate the extent you will go to get out of a bad situation, but this is exactly why you had chosen to run and leave that life behind; you were tired of needing to do what you had to to survive, even if that meant taking the life of an ‘innocent’.

Not wanting to escalate the situation any further, and knowing there was no way for you to escape without hurting them, you shoved past them to your bike. They watched with weary eyes as you slipped onto your bike, helmet slipping over your head bike roaring to life. “You all just going to stand there all evening, or are we going?”

You received three distinct glares, and three different threats before you were riding off into the night. There had been a multitude of opportunities for you to take a sharp turn and ride away into the night, but you recalled Natasha’s words when she had spoken about her ‘family’, her ‘clan’ and you weren’t sure you wanted to risk it after hearing the type of man their leader was.

You’re driving for about 30 minutes until you’re reaching the outer limits of the city, the bike in front of you turning into a dirt road, a large shack off in the distance. While not as sketchy as the place Rumlow had you in, the feeling that sat in the pit of your stomach didn’t help. You follow the bike to a stop, motors shutting off simultaneously, the beefcakes slip off rounding on you, “let’s go.”

You let out a shaky breath as you remove your helmet, slipping off your bike as you trail behind them. They’re blocking your view as they move in front of you, you hear a door squeak open but can’t make out who it is as you trail up the wooden steps. There’s a quiet conversation being shared before the two men are turning to you, splitting in half as the third voice comes into view, your heart drops in your chest lips parting as his name slips past your lips.

“James.”


	2. Hello Old Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Part two of the lovely @jaywolf840‘s request! This chapter was my most favorite to write, I loved the backstory I wrote to be able to depict the image request, and I hope you all enjoy this chapter, as for the amount of chapters, again three is my minimum at this point, but we might hit five max. As always thank your for reading angels!

His once steeled face softened, lips parting as his once confident steps faltered, “y/n,” he breathed, your heart ached in your chest at the sound of your name leaving his lips. His friends looked between the two of you brows furrowed, trying hard to piece whatever the hell was going on in front of them together.

It clicked with the shaggy blonde first, “wait; wait, wait, wait, y/n,” he questions in disbelief, “as in thee y/n?”

All eyes are on you now and you’ve almost forgotten to breathe, “this is Bucky’s y/n,” the other asks.

Your lips fall into a thin line at the question, a fire building within you, “I think your referring to the wrong y/n,” you mutter, “because I can assure you, I’m not his, I never was.”

“And there she is,” he speaks up his own anger coming to light at your words, face steeling as he glares, “hydras asset, Rumlows, little play toy,” he spat out.

Your eyes turn to slits, jaw clenching in anger, “you’re one to talk James, hydras asset really, have you forgotten your own roots,” you hissed, “at least it was Brock and not Pierce.”

He’s surging forward then fingers gripping your leather jacket roughly in his as he pushes into you, your back hitting the wooden beam behind you harshly, “You better check yourself real quick here sweetheart” he growls, “you’re on enemy soil now, and it’d be wise to realize that.”

A scoff falls from your lips, “so that’s how it’s going to be now is it James, or should I say ‘soldat’” you question leaning forward against his hold, “are you the only one allowed to run from their dark past, and not get threatened for it?”

His hand grips your face harshly, “watch yourself y/n,” he hissed getting into your space, “I gave you the chance, I asked you to take my hand, but you were always loyal to a fault.”

He’s moving away from you then, eyes cold, “get her inside,” he grunts, “I’ll deal with her in the backroom.”

“What are you doing in these parts y/n, did you come for Natasha, did Rumlow send you to finish a job?”

You rolled your eyes for what felt like the millionth time, you had gotten nowhere since being dragged to the backroom and it seems you would be going nowhere anytime soon.

“Barnes I’ve already told you countless times if I had come to seek something from the widow the lot of you wouldn’t have known I was here to begin with, and I know you know that.”

His jaw clenches from where you sit in front of him, “I don’t believe you,” he grunts, “give me the real reason y/n unless you want it to start getting messy here.” he threatens.

Your head lulls back a loud sigh falling from your lips, “then do your worse Barnes because I’m telling you the truth,” you replied eyes meeting his, “you think you’re the only one allowed to look for an out an escape from that hellish place?”

“Bullshit,” he growled leaning forward, “I tried getting you out with me y/n, but you couldn’t do it, couldn’t leave your family,” he spat, “some fucking family they were.”

“I was scared,” you argued, “scared,” he shot back, “of what y/n, you had me, you would have had me, I was going to get the both of us out, but you never showed that night, you made your decision.”

You shook your head, “funny how you’re so quick to judge now Barnes, you aren’t a fucking saint you know, I saw what you did I was there for all of it, and not once did I judge you, nor have I judged you for your past.”

He’s pushing up from his seat, eyes cold as he stares you down, “you made your decision, you chose to stay and continue to work Rumlows deeds for him, you had a way out but you chose to -”

“I went that night,” you growled, “ had you just waited a second longer before racing off into the dead of the night I would have been on the back of that damn bike of yours with you.” and you can tell he doesn’t believe you, “ I saw you leave, I got there just as you were peeling off the asphalt.”

“If that’s true why didn’t you follow, you had your bike, had you really wanted to get away, to get away with me you would have followed,” he questioned jaw still clenched.

“You created such a ruckus driving off into the night that you alerted Rumlow before I could even leave, I had to lie that I was going to go after you, when he found me,” you paused, “he took my bike from me that night and went after you himself, but you had crossed county line before he could get ahold of you, and I’m sure you know Rumlow never crosses his county line.”

“why y/n,” he growls, “why now, you can’t really expect me to believe that you finally had enough of Rumlow, had enough of your family, especially when I sent Natasha in specifically for you.”

“Stop calling them my family,” you growl, “the only person who was my family in that hellhole was you, you asshole.”

His stone demeanor falters, “you all can believe what you want Bucky, but I’m here because I was offered an out, an out I didn’t even want to take because I knew the past I was going to run from would chase me wherever I went and I was right, there’s no getting away from what Rumlow put me through.”

A heavy sigh almost that of a growl sounded from Bucky’s lips, and you watched as he moved away from his seat to the door without another word.

You stayed seated eyes trained on the chair in front of you, the same thought roaming in your mind, you should have never left. 

The door is creaking open a second later, one of the men from earlier taking the seat before you, hand producing a gun, you rolled your eyes, “have something you want to share,” he questions the gun in his hand cocking.

“If I really wanted to hurt any of you, Bucky would have never left out the door, he would have been on the floor in seconds in a pool of his own blood if I really wanted to cause any of you any harm.”

The man scoffs, “you ever heard of they saying ‘watch what you say, you could be saying it to the wrong person’?”

“Heard it plenty of times,” you murmured leaning back in your chair, arms crossing over your chest, “why don’t you take care of the problem, you have the gun, I’m sure you would be doing everyone a favor here.”

His head cocks to the side, “and you expect me to believe you wouldn’t put up a fight?”

You licked your lips, “I have no more fight in me, this was my one chance to get away from a part of my life that I loathed, besides,” you added, “either you all end it or Rumlow will.”

“Why do you say that, aren’t you Rumlows prized possession?”

You laughed, “was, not sure what Natasha told you, if she even told you anything when she came back, but when James left that night, he took a part of me with him, I felt lost, I couldn’t do what he wanted me to do anymore, but he would force my hand to get his shit done.”

“so, it’s actually true,” he comments leaning back into his chair gun going back into his holster, “you really aren’t here for Natasha.”

You raised a brow, “she told you,” you questioned.

He nodded his head, “she never got around to telling Bucky but she had told Steve, clint, and myself about you, about how you got her out, said you had turned her offer of leaving with her, why’d you do that?”

Your leaning forward then, arms falling to your knees, “if I had left with her that night, neither her or I would have made it past that county line, and I knew Nat had a family to come home too, a family that cared deeply for her, I wasn’t going to risk both of us, so I waited, I waited and prayed an opportunity for me to leave would show itself, and it did, so I took it, I knew I couldn’t outrun my past, and I was right.”

There’s a silence that fills the room before you’re speaking up again, “not that it matters, but now that I know shaggy blonde is Steve, what’s your name?”

The door is squeaking open once more, Steve peeking through, “Bucky needs to talk with us,” is all he says before he’s disappearing.

He pushes to his feet, “the names Sam, Sam Wilson.” he answers before he’s leaving you alone in the room, leaving you to your own thoughts once more.

Bucky couldn’t focus, not with you a door away, and not with the information that was being shared with him, it was all too much.

“shut up,” he grunted out, “just shut up,” he growled hand coming down on the table.

The chatter died, room growing quiet, he’s looking at Natasha then, “why didn’t you tell me anything sooner?”

“you were out on a run when I got back, and I wasn’t sure she was going to take my offer so that’s why I only told Sam, Steve, and Clint about a friend that I was expecting to come into town, I guess I should have specified who she was.”

“you think?”

“Look James I’m sorry, but at the same time I’m not, you weren’t there to see how bad it would get for her, you weren’t there to see her constantly given shit when she couldn’t finish a job for Rumlow, and you definitely weren’t there to see how broken she had become, she didn’t want that life anymore James, she wanted an out, and I gave her that out.”

“You all don’t know y/n,” he started, “she lived for that group was willing to do anything for that group, she could very well be lying just to scope, get the inside for Rumlow, she wouldn’t be doing any different then what I sent Natasha in for.”

“and you didn’t,” Sam speaks up, Bucky looks over to him brow raised in question, “your telling me that you didn’t live for that group too at one point, I remember the stories you told us Barnes, and I know you considered Hydra family, how is y/n any different,” he questions.

Bucky’s jaw clenches, because he knows your situation isn’t any different, but he’s pissed to all hell because he wasn’t told any of this, he wasn’t told about you, not like he had told any of them about you, well except for the love he left behind, but that’s all the group knew, until tonight, they didn’t know he was talking about hydra’s prized possession.

And it went like this for minutes, back and forth bickering as his friends, the group he considered family tried to make him understand, to understand something in that moment that he didn’t want too.

“Enough,” he ground out, “enough I don’t want to hear another word, we’ll give her a place to stay tonight, but she’s staying with me because the minute she decides to pull some shit I’ll take care of the situation.”

“it won’t have to come to that Barnes, she’s not the same girl you left behind.”

His eyes don’t meet Nats as he turns on his heel, “well I’m not the same person either,” he replied tone void of any emotion, “we’re done here, you all can head home, I’ll see you all in the morning.”

The group isn’t given a chance to get another word out as Bucky walks down the hall heading to the door he left you in.

He enters the room quietly, your form still where he left you, he circles you, your eyes instantly meeting his, “this isn’t me giving you a chance, but don’t make me regret this.”

“I don’t make the same mistakes twice,” you murmur.


	3. No Looking Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst. y’all aren’t going to be happy with Buck in this one.. but i bring you this gif..
> 
> A/n: part three of the lovely @jaywolf840‘s request, I’m looking at about two more chapters for this mini series because i need to take care of Rumlow and you know we stand a happy ending here at worldofAUs! Thank you so much for all the love on this mini series and happy readings angels!

You’re working the bar, his eyes following your movement as you flit around the confined space effortlessly with Natasha, drinks being poured left and right for his patrons.

Sam’s tapping the table top, Bucky’s glare being redirected from you to him, Sam laughs, “ease up on the glare there tin man.”

He scoffs eyes going back to you, “your one to talk Wilson I recall you being just as weary of her.”

“Yeah, a month ago maybe, but she’s been with us for a while now Barnes, she opened up, at least to us, y/n’s probably one of the kindest people I’ve ever met that’s not a part of our immediate group.”

There’s a pause in their conversation Bucky’s eyes still watching you work the bar, the most carefree smile he’s seen on your face since you first arrived here.

“So,” Sam began, “you’ve decided what you want to do with her, month two is creeping on us Barnes, and you haven’t decided whether you’re going to give her the boot, or if you’re going to and I quote ‘take care of her.’

“I worked with her before Sam, I’ve seen what she would do for Rumlow, a month isn’t going to change anybody.”

“Bullshit man, look at her actually look at her!

“I have been man,” Bucky growls, because he had been seeing you, has been seeing you, and as much as he wants to believe Sam is right, that you’re more carefree than you were before, and you’re not that girl that Rumlow took in, there’s a part of him that just won’t let himself.

“Look at her right now Bucky, like really look at her none of that awful glare you’ve been shooting the bar all night,” he argues.

Bucky’s eyes are flitting back over to you, and you’re once again working the bar like you’ve been here much longer than just the month. He doesn’t see a sliver of the girl that you were when Rumlow swooped in on you when he took you in, asked to teach you the ropes, the way of hydra.

Bucky’s jaw clenches; suddenly your eyes are meeting his, you wave your fingers, a smile pulling at your lips.

Bucky’s cheeks grow warm, his hand slams down on the table because really what game were you playing, “that’s fucking it, I’m killing her”

Sam snorts, a shake of his head, “or you can man up and ask her out,” Bucky’s eyes fly over to him, “c’mon man, when you would tell us about her, the one that got away we could hear how much she meant to you Buck, and while years might have passed between the two of you, that love you still have for her is still there, and you know it man.”

Bucky swallows the lump in his throat, “k-killing is easier.”

Sam scoffs, “and you say she hasn’t changed, look at you man,” he shakes his head, his body sliding from the booth, “practice what you preach Barnes.”

Sam’s words sit something heavy on Bucky’s mind, the man Bucky was when he was with Hydra is not the man he is today, not a single trace of that man remains. So when he looks at you, he sees how free you are floating around the bar, he sees himself, sees the person he became when he finally decided to take that out.

His eyes avert to the oak table top, fingers rubbing over his face, as he feels the oncoming of a migraine, he’s not sure how much time passes him, but the sound of your voice Is pulling him back. His eyes glance up, an immediate glare crossing his features.

“ease up there Barnes,” you laugh, “I bring you a peace offering.”

He looks to the glass of whiskey in your hands then back to you, “you’re not off the clock.”

“yeah well,” you mutter passing him the glass as you take the seat across from him, “Sam asked to cover my spot, but not before he passed me this and told me you and I needed to have a word.”

Bucky grumbles under his breath something along the lines of ‘goddamnit Wilson, needs to mind his own business’

“he’s not wrong you know,” his eyes meet yours brow raised, “excuse me?”

“I said,” you speak up, “he’s not wrong,” you sigh when the look of question on his features doesn’t diminish, “it’s obvious you’re not happy I’m here Barnes, and what I can’t understand is why you haven’t done anything about it.”

His head tilts to the side, “and what would you like me to do, you think a month is really going to make a difference” 

your shaking your head, “it’s been a month Bucky, and I have done nothing to prove that you can’t trust my word, the others warmed up quicker to me than you for crying out loud.”

“that’s because they don’t’ know you.”

He hates the hurt that crosses over your features, and he’s expecting it to vanish as quickly as it appeared but it doesn’t, and that makes him feel worse. “Well it seems you don’t know me either Barnes I’m not sure how much more I need to do for you to see that I’m not that same girl.”

He doesn’t say anything, “not that it matters,” you begin, “but for whatever its worth, you took apart of me with you that morning you left, Rumlow was having to force my hand anytime he wanted one of his deeds done that’s the reason you had to send natasha in wasn’t it,” you questioned, he didn’t answer, “After you left I was lost, Rumlow found it easier to just make me do things from how numb to the world I was, I was no longer fighting him,” you sighed. “And then when Natasha came in she saw me saw the shell of what I had become, I just - I couldn’t do it anymore as much as you’d like to think that I lived for Hydra you have to remember how many times I broke down with you, you’re the one that held me together Buck, how do you forget that?”

“You still let him force your hand y/n, how is that any different, hmm,” he hummed eyes meeting yours.

A scoff left yours lips, “so that’s how it is then, huh,” you questioned, “nobody’s allowed to start over only you right, everybody except you gets a clean fucking slate.”

“y/n -”

“that’s alright Bucky, at least I knew I couldn’t escape from my past,” you muttered as you pushed from the booth.

Bucky wants to call out to you, to say the words that are sitting heavy in his heart, the ones he should have been saying, but instead he watches you walk to the bar, hands patting Sam’s back a second later, a quiet thank you being offered with a smile.

Sam’s eyes are finding his a glare being directed at him, a shake of his head as he stalks over to him.

“You know when I sent her over hear to bring you a drink and talk to you, I didn’t think you’d be an ass,” Sam grunts, “she’s been trying to prove herself to you for over a month and you still can’t accep that you two are not the same people anymore?”

“Sam,” he tries because really he is in no mood to argue, he knows he messed up.

“No you asshat, I told you to look at her,” he argues, finger pointed at him and Bucky really just wants to slap it away. “I told you to look at her and see her,” and Bucky does, his eyes watching you move from the bar to drop off some drinks to a table near the door.

Bucky goes to answer but a commotion arises outside, Steve’s body flying in and directly towards you, a gasp is falling from your lips, hand going to Steve’s side pressing.

Sam and Bucky are on the two of you in minutes, Clints distressed form running in a second later, Bucky’s looking at him eyes wild, “what the hell happened!”

Clints eyes are wild, “it was Rumlow, we were patrolling county lines, a group of them came out of nowhere attacked Steve and I.”

Thats all he has to say before Bucky is turning on you fingers grasping roughly at your shirt, “new life huh,” he growls, “new opportunity, new start?”

Sams trying to pull him back but it’s to no avail the harder he tugs, the harder Bucky pulls you, “so Rumlow really did send you, how have you been feeding him intel hmm, thought he didn’t cross county line.” he growled.

“He doesn’t,” you argued trying to shove his hands off, “Bucky this was not Rumlows doing, this had to have been one of his goons doing, he would-”

He’s shoving you back harshly, throwing Sams hands off as he stands to his feet, “help me get him up, we need to get him to the hospital,” he growls, his eyes are meeting yours stormy greys glowering, “you wanted me to see her Sam, we’ll im fucking seeing her now, this is the y/n I know.”

Your face falls, “Bucky it’s not-”

“Not another word from you,” he growls, “I’m taking care of you the way I should have the second you stepped foot on these streets,” he threatened hands pulling Steve up, “lets go,” he growls.

Sam goes to reach for you, but Bucky’s threatning voice has him freezing, “wilson now, unless you want Steve’s death on your hands.”

Sam’s eyes are snapping to his friends, glaring, “Sam go, that’s your family,” you murmur, “don’t worry about me, please get Steve the help he needs.”

He’s looking once more at your saddened eyes, before you’re mouthing for him to go, watching his feet begrudgingly carry him out that door.

Natasha appears at your side a second later, hands pulling you up, watery eyes meeting hers, “I told you I couldn’t run from him Nat, I told you there would be no escaping that life, that’s why I stayed for so long,” you whispered voice cracking.

“Y/n don-”

“He’s going to hurt you guys Nat,” you argued, “and I can’t have that on my conscious, you guys don’t deserve that.”

“y/n, I hear what you’re trying to say and I’m telling you right now please don’t.”

Your shaking your head eyes already on the door, “Brock once told me that there was no leaving Hydra, unless it was with a bullet to the head, and I’m beginning to think he was right.”

“Y/n please don’t do something so reckless,” Natasha tries, hands pulling, your eyes are meeting hers, “if its not Brock, it’ll be Bucky.”

Her face falls, “he doesn’t trust me Nat, he doesn’t know the me you know, he knows the me he’s heard of, hell he couldn’t even remember the me I was when I was under his wing,” you sigh, “I have to go Nat.”

“Fine go, but y/n,” she argues, “you cannot go back to them, you’ll be dead before you even cross county line!”

“Nat, he found me here, there’s nowhere for me to run where’s he’s not going to get to me.”

Natasha wants to argue, but instead she helplessly watches as you stride out the door, not even a second passes before she’s running behind the bar again, the swing of the club picking up again.

With the phone pressed to her ear a prayer of pick up the phone spills from her lips, finally an answer, she hears sams voice.

“Wilson listen!”

“good that’s great, good riddance.”

Sam swears he’s about to knock his friend to the ground,

“What the hell is your problem Barnes, shes going to get herself killed, the girl you love, and let that sink in, the girl you love is going to get herself killed because you couldn’t be a man about things!”

“What do you want me to say Sam, she and I are not the same people that we were back when we were under Hydra, she had her chance to get out, she should have gotten out then.” 

And the words sound all wrong to Bucky, this isn’t who he is, but his emotions have got the better of him and he just can’t stop digging himself into a deeper hole.

“You can’t be serious right now Barnes, you’re just going to let her go, the girl you’ve been hooked on for years, that same girl you’re just going to let go?”

His eyes don’t meet Sam’s, “I guess so Wilson, look i’m glad natasha called and informed you the situation, but it’s out of my hands now, let’s just get back to Steve.”

“can’t believe you right now man, i really can’t believe you.”

Bucky averts his gaze back down the hall to Steve’s room, turning on his heel and walking away from Sam, “neither can I.”


	4. I Don't Make The Same Mistake Twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, depiction of violence, blood.
> 
> A/n: Part four, and we have one more chapter left to wrap this one up! This was one of my favorite to write, but also one that was difficult in trying to make sure it ties nicely to the other parts. This one is definitely a doozie so bear with me, and i promise you won’t have to wait long for a resolve as Part 5 will follow shortly after this one! Thank you once more to @jaywolf840 for sending in that amazing image request! I hope it has been everything you might have imagined! As always Happy Readings Angels and Thank you for continuing to enjoy my work! Oh and Happy ALMOST Monday c;

“What the hell is going on in that head of yours buck, was any of what you told us even the truth then, did you ever really love her, was she really the one that got away, because pal it looks like she’s not the only one who had secrets to hide?”

Bucky scrubbed a hand over his face, hands falling into a fist, jaw clenched as he looked away from his friends, “of course I loved her i-”

“Have a shit way of showing it,” Wilson grunted.

Bucky’s eyes snap to Sam’s, “stay out of it Wilson, you don’t know the half of it,” he growled.

“and who’s fault is that Barnes,” he questioned angrily, “you only showed us what you wanted to it seems, your true colors are barely seeping through.”

Anger fills the already aggravated biker as he charges towards Sam meeting him in the middle, hard chests colliding, “do something Barnes,” Wilson growls, “please do something,” he grunts jaw clenched, “I’ve been looking for a reason to knock some damn sense into you.”

“Enough,” Steve growls when he sees Buckys fist rising, ready to give the first blow, “where the hell has your mind gone Barnes, you would really go after one of your own,” Steve grunts, “this isn’t you man!”

Steve shakes his head, “we’re your family Buck, and you don’t go after family, you said that shit yourself, same goes for you Sam.”

Sams shooting him an incredulous look, “so just like that we’re supposed to be cool?”

“Didn’t say that man, but look at the two of you,” Steve replies, “neither of you are the enemy, the enemy is the one y/n has chosen to go after on her own,” Steve grunts.

“Hydra is the enemy, Rumlow is the ENEMY,” he hisses moving up in the hospital bed, “So either you two get it together and get moving before y/n gets herself killed or I’m going to need to you call Tasha and Barton to get me out of here, I’m not going to lose one of our own, because you have your head in your ass Barnes.”

“She’s not -”

“Don’t want to hear it Barnes, she’s family,” Steve grunted, “she’s been here a month buck, a month is enough time to get a know a person, especially one as vulnerable as y/n, had you given it a chance im sure you would see it the same way.”

Steve leaves Bucky stumped for words; he can only watch him beckon Sam over to unplug the wires so the machines won’t go off.

“Steve,” he tries, “you got shot pal, you really think you should be moving?”

Steve meets his eyes, “well I don’t see you moving, and as the next in line, I’m making my decision, I’m making my move.”

“Steve,” a warning, but Steve looks away, letting Sam help him get out of the bed.

“When you arrived with only your bike, and a small pack on your back, nobody sent you away, we knew about the things you did too Buck, but we didn’t judge you, we listened, we gave you the chance to prove to us that you weren’t the person hydra made you to be, the person y/n became too because of you” he speaks, eyes finally meeting his, “she was placed under you wasn’t she, you trained her to be just as good for them,” he questioned.

Bucky’s eyes fall to the floor, a knot growing in his throat, “so then why is she any different than you,” Steve adds, “we gave you another chance at life, and you might not be as willing to get her that fresh start but we will.”

Bucky hears Sam and Steve move around the room, “if you finally decide to get your head out of your ass, and man up, meet us at the county lines.”

_You paced the small area of your room, lip worn thin in worry, he had been gone for much longer than promised. Your mind flashed with multiple scenarios, each ending the same, Bucky bruised and battered, why did you have to hesitate?_

_You knew why, and you were sure Rumlow knew why, that’s why he had called for Bucky and not you, he was going to teach you a lesson the only way he knew how._

_A shaky breath left your lips as you stumbled over to the small cot you called a bed, legs falling down to the hard material, head falling to your hands. Why hadn’t you taken the shot, you had never hesitated before, never hesitated when you had first been taken under Bucky’s wing, so why couldn’t you do it now? At the beginning you weren’t just making Rumlow proud running up the ranks with Bucky by your side, but you were also making Bucky proud, and that feeling within itself was enough to keep you going even when you knew what you were doing was wrong and you didn’t want to. Then something changed, and you knew it had to do with the closeness that came with working alongside Bucky day by day._

_You didn’t want this life anymore; you wanted the white picket fence, a perfect marriage, and maybe a few kids, and you wanted it with him, with Bucky. That wasn’t your life though, it wasn’t made to be lived in the suburbs with the white picket fence, Bucky at your side, this was your life, Hydra was your life, and if you wanted to survive it long enough, you needed to get it together, and quick._

_Your head shoots up at the sound of the creaking door, eyes widening as he stumbles in, “he knows,” is the first thing that spills from his split lips._

_You can’t push off the damned cot fast enough to get to him, hands reaching out for him, his own reaching for your face, head falling against yours, “he knows y/n,” he whispers shakily, “he knows dove.”_

_You hold back the choked gasp that wants to part your lips, “I-I can do better Buck, I can be better.”_

_He’s shaking his head, “y/n, dove, you are the best of the best, look at how quickly you worked up those ranks, you just aren’t made for this life doll, you are much too pure for this life, I see what it’s doing to you.”_

_Your lips part to argue, but he’s shushing you softly, “he see’s it too you know, from the beginning he knew you wouldn’t be up to par, but he had to try, he thought with how lost, how weak he found you, that you might be the perfect experiment.”_

_A lump forms in your throat, “but, h-how?”_

_Bucky moves away slightly, only for his lips to find your head, a low groan bubbling in his chest, “we need to get out of here y/n, I know you’ve been thinking about it, and we need to do it soon.”_

_“but Buck Rumlow -”_

_He’s pulling away from you, “but Rumlow nothing y/n, do you want him to kill you,” he questions anger lacing his tone, “what he’s done to me,” he grunts gesturing to his face, “is nothing compared to what he will do to you, you’ve seen what Rumlow does to the weaker of his group, you don’t have time y/n, we need to go tonight.”_

_Your pulling away from his hold heart racing, “Bucky I-I don’t know if I can,” you murmur quietly, the fear consuming you._

_His brows furrow, “isn’t this something that you want y/n, have been wanting, how can you not know, your chosing between life or death here.”_

_You shake your head, hands lacing together as you try to hide the anxiety coursing through you, would the two of you even be able to get away, would you really be able to start over?_

_A noise similar to a scoff is leaving Bucky’s lips, “I can’t believe you even have to think about this y/n, it’s me,” he adds, “I’m telling you to go away with me, to start over with me.”_

_“and I know what your asking buck b-”_

_“do you though,” he shoots back, “because it doesn’t seem you do, your decision shouldn’t be this hard y/n.”_

_“buck,” you try, but shrink back at the glare he gives you, “I’m scared.”_

_He shakes his head, turning on his heel towards the door, you want to reach out to him, but he moves quick, he turns his head to you, “if you decide what is more important here, you’ll meet me by my bike, pack lightly.”_

_Then he’s gone, leaving you to your thoughts; you mulled it over, what this could mean for the two of you, while the thought of what Rumlow would do if he found the two of you left, shook you to your core, you knew you couldn’t keep living this life. Bucky was offering you and out, and you couldn’t believe you even had to think about it, the answer would have always been yes._

_You didn’t even pack a thing as you raced quietly through the shadows, you could see Bucky on his bike, helmet on his head, you tried to signal him, but it was too little to late, he was racing off._

_Your heart fell in your chest, you moved quickly to your bike hoping to chase after him, but Rumlow appeared from the shadows, “what are you doing y/n?” he questioned voice dark._

_You swallowed the knot in your throat, steadying yourself, “I saw Barnes leaving he had a pack, I was going to go after him.”_

_Rumlows shaking his head, as he moves over to you, pulling you off the bike, “nonsense little dove, I’ll go after the serpent myself,” he murmured, pushing you away, “his eyes meet yours, “can’t lose two of my assets, oh and y/n,” he adds, “if you ever decide you want to leave, just know the only way of leaving me, of leaving hydra, is with a bullet between your eyes.”_

_Your helpless as you watch Rumlow peel away in the same fashion, your form falls in on itself, chest empty._

Bucky was angry, had been angry with you since that night, he truly believed you had chosen hydra over him, he had felt a sense of betrayal within him. He wanted to see what the others were seeing, wanted to believe you had raced to get to him that night. What he couldn’t get past was the fact that he heard your bike that night, had felt a sense of hope that you might actually be following after him, but when you didn’t pass county line with him and the gunshots that shot out into the night.

_“Had you just waited a second longer before racing off into the dead of night I would have been on the back of that damn bike of yours with you.”_

_“he took my bike from me that night and went after you himself, but you had crossed county line before he could get ahold of you, and I’m sure you know Rumlow never crosses his county line.”_

Dread fills him instantly blindsiding him; he had been so upset with you, so blinded by his own rage and betrayal that he hadn’t even stopped and listened, he wanted to twist your words so badly because of the betrayal he felt, because of the stories he heard seep through county lines about hydras prized possession. How could he have been such an idiot, he knew you, of course he knew you, how had he let such anger, such a need for revenge get to him that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him, to see you for how you were, everyone had seen it, everyone except him, he had chosen to turn a blind eye, and now you were yet again seeping through his fingers, except this could possibly be the last chance he ever gets to see you if Rumlow gets his hands on you.

“Fuck,” he growled, finally finding his head storming out of the emergency room that Steve and Sam had left him behind in minutes prior. He’s racing off into the fading evening, the moonlit sky creeping across the sky. He gets to the county line within minutes, pushing the bike to its limit bringing it to a skidding halt.

A smile greets him, “was almost getting worried you really weren’t going to get your head out of your ass, was tempted to send Wilson back to knock you around a few.”

Bucky’s jaw clenches, “well better late than never,” he mutters, he turns to Natasha, “estimated time?”

He watches her grip the handles of her bike tighter, he senses her urgency, “thirty tops, I tried to hold her off as long as possible, called Sam as soon as she was out of sight, I doubt she’s in Rumlows general vicinity but seeing as his goons crossed county line and went after Steve and Clint I can’t be sure.”

Bucky’s nodding, “Steve are you sure you’re up for this, you might come out worse for wear,” 

Steve waves him off, “I’ve had worse, I’ll be fine, but y/n won’t be, we need to get going now.”

Your heart had been racing in your chest since you crossed county line, his words haunting your mind; _“if you ever decide you want to leave, just know the only way of leaving me, of leaving hydra, is with a bullet between your eyes.”_

The thought made you shudder, but you continued on, you knew there would never be any escaping this life, a life you never wanted but you had been weak, you had been lost, you thought Hydra could save you, would give you a new start. They did none of those things, the only thing they had given you was Bucky, the serpent who wrapped you tight in his hold, protecting his dove, but that had been quickly ripped away as well, what was left for you?

Nothing.

The drive back feels much longer, the winding roads never ending, nothing like when you were fleeing, you felt freer then, now, now you felt an emptiness in you, dread intertwining itself.

You weren’t sure how far you had made it before you were coming to a halt, your breath catching in your throat, there he was.

You don’t move from your bike as your eyes watch him from behind the black of your helmet, two goons on each side. This was your end.

He dismounts his bike, feet carrying him to the middle, “gotta say Dove,” he calls out into the night, “its great to see you, just wish the circumstances would have been different.”

Shaky hands reach up to pull at your helmet, eyes steeling as they look at the man who could very well ruin you in a second, “wish the feeling was mutual Rumlow.”

Brock’s head tilts to the side, “a damn shame is what that is,” he tsks hands coming to his hip, the lapels of his jacket flapping back to reveal the holstered gun. “I was hurt dove, was really hurt that you would just up and leave, I trusted you, you know, believed that you could actually be that same little hurt dove I picked up, but no, Barnes had you wrapped up so tightly in his charm, I had no chance did I?”

“I wasn’t made for your life Rumlow, so no you never had a chance,” you called back.

“So then why return y/n, what did you think you’d get out of crossing those county lines, you come to see out revenge for my men hurting yours?”

“this isn’t about revenge Rumlow.”

“oh but isn’t it dove, see I told you, that if you were ever going to leave, it would be with a bullet right between those pretty little eyes of yours.”

Your eyes catch the split second he reaches for the gun, you can’t turn your bike fast enough to the side to get out of his shooting zone. Your reving the bike the same time the gun goes off, a gasp leaving your lips body falling forward, bike nearly collapsing to the side as flare of pain shoots at your side. The pain makes you dizzy, only allowing you to drive a few meters away from Rumlow, before you and your bike go crashing to the side, dust falling up around you.

“Fuck,” you hiss, one hand going to your head from where you helmet hadn’t been placed on, the other going to your side, fingers growing warm and wet.

A shaky breath leaves your lips as you hear the sound of bikes approaching, your eyes close at the inevitable, close at the pain shooting vividly through your side. Your body cowards slightly as you try to pull yourself from your bike, but the pain is too much. A bike screeches just above you, and your brows furrow, head titling up slightly the movement causing a low groan to fall from you lips, more blood seeping through your fingers at the movement.

You hear his voice, your name coming out in rushed worry, another bike crashes to the floor, one you could only assume is his, hands are pulling at you, a yelp of pain pulled from your lips.

“fuck y/n,” he grunts hand covering your bloodied one, “what the hell were you thinking dove!”

A smile wants to tug at your lips at the name, but instead you swallow down a scream, “he’s not far Buck he’s -” more bikes sound through the air, there’s shouting and hands are pulling. This time your scream permeates the air, head spinning with pain, eyes struggling to stay open

You hear rushed voices, “get her out of here, but keep her awake she was never good with pain!”

“But Buck, you don’t know how many men Rumlow has,” Steve argues, “you need me!” 

“Steve, I got Sam, I got Tasha, get her out of here man, get her back to the bar, call banner or call Barton to call Banner tell him its urgent!”

Gun shots are going off through the air as Rumlow drives closer, Steve is struggling to take you from Bucky’s hold quick enough though he gets you as best adjusted at the front of his bike as he can.

“I’ll be back,” Steve calls out over the roar of his bike, and another groan falls from your lips as you fall forward. Bucky looks at you worried, “just get out of here man, go,” he yells pushing at Steve’s back.

He can only watch helplessly for a second as Steve speeds out into the dark before he’s racing for his bike, reaching for his gun, he was going to give you a chance.

**__ **

Steve is struggling; “y/n, sweetheart,” he urges, “I need you to stay awake for me, talk to me!”

“it hurts Steve, I think this is worse than a bullet between my eyes like he promised me,” you murmur head and body swaying slightly in his hold.

Steve pushes his bike through the night faster, he hopes clint will be there right at county lines to take you from him. The two of you have almost careened off to the side more times than he cares for, but between trying to make the urgent call, and your body swaying sideways in his bracketed hold, he can’t reach the county lines fast enough.

“keep talking y/n, you can’t go quite on me sweetheart, need you to stay with me,” Steve calls a frustrated groan falling from his lips when you sway again, head falling to his shoulder.

“I should have left with him that night,” you mumble, “d-don’t know why I hesitated, my,” a breath, “my answer would have always been yes.”

“you were scared y/n,” he answers, “nobody would have held that against you, nobody.”

Your head lulls to the side, “he did,” you whisper and Steve almost doesn’t catch it through the noise of his bike racing through the night, and the thickness of his padded helmet.

“he just had his head in his ass y/n,” your slumping further in his arms, and Steve grows worried, your name leaving his lips in a shout of concern, he looks ahead a tiny sliver of hope as he sees the light of Clints truck.

“Hold on for me y/n,” he growls, “please hold on for me, because if you don’t beat Bucky senseless for letting you go, I personally will.”

Your completely limp by the time he reaches clint, blood is covering his bike and a majority of your pants, “Bartons at the bar waiting, how long has she been out,” Barton rushes as he grabs you from Steve’s hold.

“I’m not sure, but please, please just go Barton, I need to go back!”

Barton Is telling him to go, his fingers immediately checking for a pulse as he races you to the passenger sight of the truck, though he finds one it is faint.

He slips you into the car, slamming the truck door behind him as he rounds the truck jumping in. He throws the truck into reverse, tires squealing against the asphalt as he peels off back towards the bar. One hand finds the steering wheel the other finds your side.

“Hold on y/n, please hold on.”


	5. Fresh Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: bit of angst, fluff.
> 
> A/n: THE END. My goodness this was such a fun request, and once again thank you @jaywolf840, I truly hope this whole work was everything you could have imagined for you request. I am truly happy with the ending to this FUN series, and can’t thank you all for coming along on yet another tiny journey with me! Happy Tuesday and as always, happy Readings Angels!

_“Dove, I need you to hold on for me, keep those eyes on me.”_

_“Did I at least get him, did I do good buck,” you questioned with a heavy mouth and a dazed mind._

_His hand is feeling your side your blood starting to seep through the material he pressed to it._

_“You got him real good dove, just hold on for me, to me, we’re almost back,” he urges._

_A pained groan leaves your lips, head wanting to lull back, but instead falling to his shoulder, eyes heavy._

_“keep talking to me babe, let me hear that voice of yours.”_

_Your fingers want to reach out for him, grip onto the lapels of his leather jacket but there numb to the touch. “dove c’mon, talk to me.”_

_“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you murmur, eyes slipping closed, “m’not happy Buck, I-I only do this because y-your by my side, but I don’t want this anymore.”_

_You take in a shuddering breath, the pain suddenly disappearing, “I want to get away with you, start over new with you picket fence and all.”_

_Bucky almost can’t be sure he heard you with how low your voice has dropped, your form falling heavier into his front. Panic fills him as he calls out for you, he pushes the bike faster when he doesn’t receive an answer._

_“Dove,”_

_“Dove come on talk to me,”_

_“y/n please, you have to wake up,”_

_“Wake up”_

“Wake up Dove”

Your eyes are snapping open, your body throbbing in such a way that it felt as if you had been bruised in every corner. You struggled to support yourself on shaky arms, “woah, woah wait a second there y/n, don’t try and get up.”

Barton’s hands are guiding you back down gently, a heaviness in your head has you going down unresisting.

“here you might want to take these,” he murmurs handing you two white pills, a glass of water at the ready. You eye them inconspicuously for a moment before a pain is rushing through your side igniting a wild fire. Your head falls back to the pillow, eyes squeezed shut, your pace contorting in anguish. You had only ever experienced a pain like this once, and Bucky had promised he would never let it happen again. Sweat pulled at your brows, breath heavy as you tried to breath through the pain pulsing through the side.

“god this is really worse than a damn bullet to the head,” you hissed shaky hands reaching for the pills.

Clint lets out a laugh, “you’ve been shot in the head before?”

A grunt leaves your lips as you throw the pills back, letting him aide you with the glass, “it’s a figure of speech clint, get it together man.”

Another loud laugh falls from his lips, and your falling back onto the bed, jaw clenched tightly as you try to yet again breathe through the pain.

“think that gunshot to the side has made you a little woozy all over y/n.”

“how long was I out,” you questioned quietly, “last I remember was being on the front of a bike with Steve.”

“almost two hours now, Dr. Banner was able to stop the bleeding and get the shrapnel out, he stitched you up real nice,” he adds, “hey you been shot at before you recovered rather quickly?”

You nod lightly, “did they go after Rumlow?”

Barton takes a seat next to the bed, “yeah, they still haven’t returned, Steve just handed you over to me, and before I could even get another word out, he was racing off.”

Dread fills you, “they shouldn’t h-”

The door is slamming open cutting you off with a gasp, Bucky appears his eyes meet yours briefly before they are flitting over to clints, “can’t get ahold of Banner, Steve tore his stitches, can you please.”

He doesn’t have to say more as Clint stands, he gives you a quick look, “hold that thought will ya,” he smiles, he’s moving to the door, “watch my girl?”

Bucky’s glaring, “get moving Barton, before you’re the one needing stitches,” he grunts.

You hear his laughter float down the hall, your eyes moving over to Bucky who’s closing the door softly behind him. A knot grows in your throat as you watch him move across the room taking Clints previous spot, it grows quiet. Your skin thrums anxiously, as you both wait to see who will break the tension first, “d-did you take care of rumlow,” apparently it would be you.

Bucky nods his head, and for a second you think that’s all the response he’s going to give you, is a nod of his head, a simple gesture, but then his lips are parting, “I took down Hydra.”

Your eyes are widening, a shaky breath leaving your lips, had you not taken a gunshot to the side you were sure you’d be shooting up in bed, water spitting from your lips like a comical scene.

“H-how?”

_He hadn’t had time to reach for his bike, like he had to grab ahold of his gun before Rumlow is appearing on the road, four men behind him._

_Shit._

_“well, well, well, if it isn’t the serpent himself,” Rumlow calls out over the roar of the bikes, though its short lived as he holds a fist in the air, the engines dying down._

_“You know I had a feeling she would find her way to you, is that why you sent Romanoff in Barnes, to get a scope on y/n, to get the bitch to spill her enough lies to want to leave Hydra?”_

_Bucky’s jaw clenches, “she was never made for your life Rumlow, she wasn’t made for what you were asking for and you know it, you wanted an assassin, a killing machine, and she wasn’t that, but you prayed on her weakness, on her need to feel loved.”_

_Rumlow scoffs, “and isn’t that what you did as well Barnes, you took her in under your wing, you saw how broken she was, you pushed in all the right ways to have her putty in your arms, so how are you any different?”_

_“I didn’t make her kill those men,” he ground out._

_Rumlow laughs loudly, head thrown back, and it’s the perfect time to throw a signal only the widow and falcon would know. A simple flick of his wrist._

_“You can think you didn’t make her kill all those people Barnes, but you did, and you want to know why,” he hummed, “she did it for you, she did it because she loved you, she was going after you that night you know,” he grinned, “but I took her bike, told her the only way of her leaving was with bullet right between those gorgeous eyes of hers,” a breathy sigh, “poor little dove, she never really stood a chance did she?”_

_A glowering look crosses Bucky’s face, his fingers tight around the gun concealed away from sight, he just needed the perfect opportunity, a second of Rumlows guard down and he could end this, he could end all of this._

_“At least she took her chance,” he growls._

_Time seemed to slow, as he heard the rev of the two bikes, the sound jolting him as they sped into the group. Rumlow growled as he turned to his men, the perfect opportunity._

_The bullet spat out of the gun in his hand, red in the darkness. It hit Rumlow in the back of his head, what Bucky could only hope was right between the eyes, propelling him forward into the rocky dirt. Rumlow fell into the dust of the bikes._

A noise similar of that to a gasp and a choked sob falls from your lips, “its really over,” you questioned voice cracking, and Bucky wants nothing more than to reach out to you, and comfort you like he would, but with his behavior he knows the two of you aren’t there.

“yeah dove, it’s over.”

Tears flood your eyes, head pushing deeper into the pillow, eyes closing as a relief washes over you.

“You don’t have to run anymore if you don’t want to y/n,” your eyes snap open, and your greeted with a look of remorse.

“I’m sorry for everything, I’m sorry that I let my anger get the best of me, that I couldn’t be a bigger person and push that pain and anger I felt inside.” He’s gauging your reaction, “I had let myself believe that you might actually choose hydra over me,” your shaking your head, “I was scared Bucky I told you -”

“and I know that now y/n, and I’m sorry,” he breathes cutting you off, “I’m sorry for all of it, for leaving you, for not fighting harder for you, for not getting you out of there sooner, I’m sorry, I should have known, should have believed that a person as pure as you could never change, that you would still be that girl I took under my wing the day Rumlow brought you in, you had told me time and time again that you wanted out of that life, and I should have remembered that the day you stumbled in instead of letting myself get caught up in the past and the pain I felt.”

“I guess we all make mistakes,” you murmured “I’ve made mine, and you’ve made yours, guess one would call us even.”

Bucky’s shaking his head, “there’s no need for us to be even when you did nothing wrong y/n, like I said for needing a fresh start I sure went about it all wrong, and im sorry.”

“You know,” you start, and Bucky raises a brow in question, “you always were sweet on me when I got shot.”

A low chuckle rumbles from his chest, and the sound is so familiar, and for a split second a thought crosses your mind.

You would be okay.

##  **_A Year Later_ **

The bike rumbles softly beneath you, the world flying in flurry past you as you race down the winding road, no destination in sight. Your engulfed by the scent of him, your senses invaded by him alone. Hands squeeze tighter as the bike lurches forward, a surprised squeal leaving your lips, a low chuckle joining the air, his hands finding yours squeezing.

You breath in deeply, face pressing into his back, his body leaning into you slightly as he steers the two of you away. He was finally taking you away; while he had given you a fresh start months ago, he was finally taking you somewhere that would be the closest to the white picket fence you had so longed for. It hadn’t been easy to get to where the two of you were now, but you knew that with a new love you must make the effort to fully heal first, to do the inner work that is required to become a whole person once more. And there had been no one more willing than bucky to give you that time, otherwise you would have put upon the new love the “crimes” of the ones who came before, but had there ever been anyone before Bucky? 

Bucky and you saw each other for the new individuals you were, the ones you were becoming, the ones outside of Hydra. There was no filter, no expectations, only acceptance, and loving one another always and in every weather.

_A new life comes as sea air, rolling over buoyant waves, kissing with a coldness that brings about a wakefulness, an awareness of the moment in time. You’ve rooted this new life in love, rooted it in the soil that nurtures, and you know through this new life, you will only ever find cool winds and refreshing rains. In this new life you only seek the sun in the sky and the light so freely given, the days of needing support of others are over, you can well support yourself and approve of your own blooms._

_._

##  **_Fin_ **


End file.
